an image I drew at the beginning of my stay here.  figured it'd like to get out.

lovebodybodylove

I’ve been thinking recently about what it means to be thankful for what you have and are.  It started last week when I had to have an abscess removed (a minor operation really, but one that required anesthesia and an over night stay in the hospital).  Since I was lucky enough to be an AUC student with health insurance I was treated as a special case in the hospital (there is a woman designated to deal solely with foreign students who come into the hospital).  My room was more like a hotel room, overlooking the Nile, a single, at the end of the corridor, quiet and secluded.  While lying in bed I contemplated what this experience might have been like had it been a month earlier, when I didn’t have health insurance, nor was I an AUC student officially. Where would I have gone?  What would have happened differently? How much more pain might I have suffered, both physically and in my pocket is well? Sometimes the things I’m granted here as a white American foreigner come to stand only for the injustices that are done to others (that not what I get is wrong, but what others don’t get is…)

 

Nevertheless, politics and world order are never my hot topics to debate about, so let me return to my point.  Lying in my bed, watching the Nile pass slowly as I dazed in and out of sleep I could only be thankful that I was safe, that I was out of pain (with the exception of my iv… which after a week still has left a date sized bruise on my arm), that I was breathing, that I was there. 

 

As this past week has gone by, my small wound continues to go through the process of healing, yet another phenomenon that I’m awed by every time I get to be in the presence of it.  Today was actually the first time I got a chance to see the wound with a good look (it’s not in the easiest place to spot…).  I little hole on the verge of closing.  It had a personality to me, like a little baby that was humming softly in the sleep of a fading fever.  And as I peeked back all I could think was, ‘thank you’.  Of course this was at first a reactive response to knowing that the painful little sucker that was there before was now gone.  With a second of thought though I remembered that this body I have goes through amazing things. It develops, changes, breaks down and rebuilds.  It was like a moment of awe and recognition for something so amazing that I have.   The pink flesh still waiting to regroup under the beige skin hovering over it seemed like the underworld of my life that I never take time to remember. 

 

On the way to the bus, this phrase ‘thank you’ kept rolling over in my mind.  Of course, as someone still search-learn-ask-grow-ing and confused… I asked who/what am I to thank for this exactly?  The obvious and easy answer is God.  But of course, since I don’t like easy answers, and my knee jerk reaction is to always dismiss the word “God” as a cliché more than anything else, I asked myself another question…. Does it really matter who or what I’m thanking as long as I’m thankful?  It’s automatically built into the phrase “thank you” to direct thanks to some one –you.   I could say ‘thanks’ I guess… seems to informal though right???  Either way it seems that “thanks” -as a concept- is always a response to gaining from something, rather than an expression for appreciation and love for what one has/is.  

 

So instead of going back over the never-ending argument in my mind about “God” and who I should thank…I simply decided to thank my body, and appreciate it. Sitting in the luxury of an air-conditioned bus I went over my entire body in my mind ---toes, hairs, freckles, skin, flesh, bones, muscles, fat, organs, thoughts, feelings and gave them all a kiss and told them thanks.  I thought about the wrinkles on my forehead that have appeared and grown deeper in the past year and thanked them for reminding me of everyday that I’ve lived--- if anything they are the ones that have seen everything that I’ve overlooked, that reflect my growth, my neglect (for sleep and sunblock…), that reflect me.

 

I love loving my body. Yet often times I feign this love by simply saying that working out or not eating something ‘bad’ is a way for me to really show that I love my body.  True we must treat our bodies with respect, and it’s true also that those nagging decisions we make to ‘protect and keep’ our bodies are what allow us to live and love them even more.  Today though, I focused on the love part rather than the action.  I loved my body for 10 straight minutes on that bus in a way that I had not realized I had the power to do before…. and for some reason it felt deeper and stronger than any run I’d been on …

 

with the exception of a few…J

 

I guess it’s just all to say thank you wound… you’re a love saver.

the furnace burns us

so close encounters of the burning kind... today i finally experienced the type of blow that i've been waiting for ever since Ketan singed his eyebrows off in the great days of SIT when all the girls shared an apartment.  While i was not there see the explosion that left ketan with slightly shorter eyebrows, i heard plenty and saw the aftermath pictures.

well. today, i made biscuits.  i also allowed the oven to fill just a bit to full with gas before i stuck the lighter in there and made a spark only to be blown back by the frightening ghost of fire.  aftermath... zoe jumping 5 feet back on the floor instantaneously, black burned balls of stubbly hair on my right forearm, eye lashes that now have a nice 'feathering' effect at the ends of them, and a nice image of a fire attack that will keep me from doing that again.   no worries, the biscuits were still delicious. 

as for other news, there really isn't any.  still working on finding an apartment, still wishing school was over more than ever.  Luckily the weather has been really nice lately, with nice breezes to cool off the upper 80's.  It will be getting hotter soon, no doubt... i just hope that where ever i live for June/July has a nice breeze as well.

Returning after a break

In the month of April I took a two-week long break back home.  During this journey I enjoyed friends, love, food, driving, music, sun, runs, fresh air, fresh air, fresh air, walks to the beach with Ajax, Mom, Dad, Alex, etc.... it was glorious.

In my first days back from home I was still able to bring those things home with me.  At work (I teach English at a private school in a near-by neighborhood), I was finally back to being part time (i.e. i teach only fourth grade and fifth grade English lessons, and then I get to leave the school with the Kindergarten kids at 1:30).  I was able to come home from work and do the things I needed to do to be me.  I rested, cleaned, read (amazing), went for a run, checked the internet at the near-by mall, looking up flights for my potential next flight home (in the end of July), looking up possible jobs for that trip home (I've got a list of about 15 restaurants i will be calling soon to see if they will hire for only one month).  It was great.  School wasn't to be recalled until the next morning, when i woke up just early enough to eat some breakfast, prepare my lessons for that day, and then head out to school. 

then there was wednesday, a ten hour day at school where we had parent-teacher conferences after the regular school hours.  where we also had a teacher conference with the principal, yelling at us for not doing the things that he asked of us.  I returned home and tried to read, every other line being interrupted with worries for the next days lessons... as if the principal had entered my mind, squatted in the corner and was giving me that "you really think that's good enough?" look.  ugh.  i still read, eventually able to put his looks aside, black them out.  

the next day?  able to leave school at 1:30 thankfully, but directly afterwards Lizz and I had a job as ushers at a wedding reception dinner for two of the richest families in Egypt.... conveniently located at... THE PYRAMIDS! that's right, these people rented out the friggin pyramids....decked out a stage with black and white them, the pyramids and sphynx lit up in the background, Frank Sinatra filling the air... it was beautiful.  and even if it was another 5 hours of unneeded standing for my feet, it was nice to remember wedding receptions, and the feeling of Frank.  an interesting combination of worlds, as we checked in arabs, americans, french, spanish, some Prince from somewhere.  also a nice 250 geems in the pocket :-) something that i'll be needing more of in order to come home for august and relish myself with sun, love, and friends.

So now it's saturday, lizz and I have come to the McDonalds in our neighborhood where they have free internet...  we bought from the 5 L.E. menu (= the dollar menu) got two cups of tea and will continue here until they kick us out most likely. 

I'm on the search for a new apartment (as well as possible part time jobs over the summer or next year to pay for expenses of things necessary to life... i.e. flights home to be with loved ones).  I have to move out of my current apartment on the 27th of May, which means i don't have much time.... i'll figure it out though. I always do.

woot woot

I just wanted to say, that we are celebrating here in Cairo for the outcome of this new election. Surprisingly, i received more messages from my arab friends about the outcome than i did from people in america... so please know that the arab world is happy too. :-)

pics

just thought it was about time to add the kitchen and the bath?

LIZZMAS

I need to write something. No excuses.

I have been absent these past few (more than a few... sorry) weeks for very good reason I'll have you know. My life has been completely consumed by my job--- teaching 3rd, 4th and 5th graders English as a second language and also teaching them Language Arts. The difficulties I've found in this task can be listed as such:

1) To understand Language Arts, you have to understand the language that the teacher is speaking while teaching it to you (english....some of my kids don't really speak it... at all)

2) None of these grades have previous curriculum made for them... so Zoe now must act as experienced/studied curriculum writer as well as teacher of made-up curriculum. Keep in mind I've never taught anything, English was always my least favorite subject in school, and i've never studied teaching

3) the school is completely disorganized and students still have not received some of their books

4) one grade would be hard enough, 3 is just downright difficult.

The great things about my job/life in general:

1) I make enough money (if they pay me) so to live a comfortable life here (although i have no time to go out and spend it...)

2) the staff is extremely friendly and very understanding

3) the satisfaction of watching a student understand and demonstrate even the simplest concept (ABC order or how to answer a question in a complete sentence) is simply incredible.

4) I have the most amazing roommate, Lizz, who cooks for me and gives the best moral support through home-made cafe-mochas and chai tea. It is coincidentally her birthday today (hence, Lizzmas) and we will be celebrating tonight with a dinner with some of her CASA friends (the language program she is studying in currently).

5) the Job, however difficult it may be, is getting easier... or atleast I'm learning how to manage it in a better way. Although I'm yet to get enough sleep during the week, I'm slowly catching up to the point where I can now work ahead (producing weekly outlines and worksheets before the day before...)

6) I get to relearn all the interesting things about the English language... did you know that there is a rule for when you pronounce c as "ss" and c as "K"... NEITHER DID I! that's way the word facade should always have the cedille thing on it, because in english you don't pronounce c followed by a as an "s"... it should sound like "fakade"... oh my.

7) I'm finally learning how to spell. I now finally know how to spell beginning, syllable, and disappear without second guessing (is that sad... yes it is).


But yes, this is my life right now... learning English in Cairo. Who knew? Hopefully November will bring a new chapter and Lizz and I will finally find some time to get out. I'm hoping to start up Arabic lessons again, because as it stands I rarely am practicing my language, although my listening/understanding of Egyptian Arabic is getting a lot better... i know that my spoken and MSA is disappearing rapidly (note the spelling of disappearing... ha).

As for Cairo itself. Well its finally cooled off. Now the high is in the lower-80's and nights are nice and cool. Yesterday we had a whopping 3 seconds of rain. I wake up with the sun, which is nice. I get to ride a school bus that's overpacked with kindergarden kids that sometimes sit on my lap....othertimes they complain about the fact that I put their backpack in the wrong spot... ultimately they brighten up my day though.

ps. kids are tough. I'm learning how to not take them seriously.

here's a pic of lizz and i.