chillen

returned from Disi

this is just a blog to let anyone know that I've returned safely to Amman from my stay in Disi. I spent to two weeks living with two separate families, researching a type of traditional song/poetry called Samir. The song is traditionally sung at weddings and circumcision ceremonies. unfortunately i didn't get to attend either of these types of ceremonies where it is traditionally sung, but instead was able to speak to people, young and old, about the vanishing art form. Hopefully I'll be able to write more about this (if i can find time between my four papers to write in the next two weeks).

For an overlook of the average day:

wake up around 7-8, wash up, sit to eat breakfast with whomever was around. breakfast consisted of bread, lebneh, thyme, olive oil, olives, perhaps some type of cheese, and of course, the sweetest tea (perhaps with camel or goats milk). then sitting around and looking over works, asking comers and goers simply questions about thoughts from every day life, to Samir, and of course in the end it would somehow come back to Islam. nap. lunch. talk with more people (perhaps be taken to meet someone). sit and go over work. nap?. sit around with visitors outside or inside, drink tea. once it became late, eat dinner. tea. watch TV/ talk until everyone is tired. sleep.

Of course this varied depending on the two families i stayed with. In the second family I spent countless hours sitting with my friend who was like my host to his family, discussing the verses of poetry from Samir, learning the endless names for "camel" in arabic, and bedu dialect words that can only be explained by sentences in English (or atleast my english isn't strong enough to know the correct translation into one english word... for instance).

names for camel i learned:
إبل (camels)
هجن (a bunch of camels)
قعود -male camel (possibly young?)
ناقة -female camel
فطر -old female camel
حيل- the pregnant camel
عفر- camels
ذلول - camel
غوج- camel
زمل - male camels
حوار -baby camel

that's right... that's 11... and there are more

but yes, I'm still trying to figure out how i can ever fully reflect in writing the experience that i had... hopefully it will come soon enough.

that's it for now.

flower power

looking forward to a few weeks from now...







Yesterday a friend came to speak in Arabic class, one of the Jordanians that Ketan and I have been meeting with on an off for 'language exchange'. Muhamad: the poet, actor, volunteer, company owner, and engineer. In just two days he's going to be leaving Jordan for the first time in his life to travel to Kuwait and work there for a contract that he has for a year. His last words to our class were ones that i wouldn't have doubted to come from his mouth, but which i'd like to discuss because they addressed a topic that has been on my mind recently. He essentially said that it was great that we were all learning Arabic so that we could be able to explain ourselves, and have ourselves be understood by Arabic speakers (just as it is good for Arabic speakers to learn English so that they can have their thoughts reach English speakers), but even with that, there are still people who speak the same language, be they two Arabs or two English speakers who can still not understand each, despite the fact that they have a common language.

After hearing his words I thought immediately back to the lecture we attended yesterday at the Diplomacy Institute where an American political scientist and writer, Dr. Philip Gordon, spoke about American politics in the Middle East. Although I've been in the Middle East for nearly 5 or 6 months now, and heard the wide ranging (or perhaps less ranging) arguments on American Policy in the Middle East from locals, this was the first time i actually saw these arguments juxtaposed to an American academic who was less willing to simply give into the 'mistakes of America' and lamely nod their head in agreement (usually my position for fear of losing some level of respect, and also because i don't have enough political or historical background to really defend any other standpoint most of the time). It quickly became clear during the question and answer period that there was going to be a difference between the speaker and the Middle Eastern scholars in the room who attended the meeting (who were few in number mind you). Although Dr. Gordon was just as quick to criticize American Policy and the choices it's made over the past few years in concern with the war in Iraq and such, he would not secede the point that the major fault of it all was America's support for Israel... which appeared the be the major issue in need of addressing from the M.E. scholar's points of view. I don't know that the arguments can be as easily summed up as I've just summed them up, but it's not really the political arguments that I'm as concerned about here. What concerned me was how quickly the Q&A question reached a point where neither side seemed open to a real discussion, but rather simply to some level of insulting the other. The only way for one side to really listen to the other, was for them to simply agree with the other side... and if they didn't agree, it seemed that only a larger gap was made.

During the discussion many ideas popped in my head... were these seeming attacks coming from the ME scholars simply posed with cultural inflection? So that although the speaker might have found them insulting, they may not have intended to be... or that had they intended to be insulting, was the insult a way in which new ideas were supposed to be brought up, rather than speaking about specific ideas directly (for instance how one of them had to clear up after the first round of questions, that the intention in almost all of the questions was to deal directly with the Israeli issue, although that hadn't necessarily been made clear through the words posed in themselves)? (my mind raced back to the very first article we were to read about Arab communication skills, and the meaning of metaphor more than words themselves, how were their questions inflected, and what did they really mean?). Then I started thinking about the "power of knowledge" and all the problems that are within such a power, but then all the problems that exist within the idea itself given that knowledge seems such a relative term at times. In what ways were either side already coming with such a strong belief in their own knowledge that they felt they should be able to control the opinion of the other (thus perhaps closing themselves off to the others knowledge)? Of course the problem with such a question is also easily answered by the fact that this lecture was presented in a very 'political way' so to speak... where Dr. Gordon made many points and only referenced briefly the historical/economic/ perhaps even cultural reasonings that factor into the largest political stances of America, because I'm guessing he assumed that the knowledge he based his works off of was already understood by the audience... perhaps there would have been more open ears had he been willing to really flesh out such details without assuming them as "all-understood".

And so Muhamad spoke... speaking the same language may not necessarily lead to understanding. Indeed. What does lead to understanding then? Willingness to listen, for sure. But how do you reach that? What is knowledge and why does the assumption that we have it lead to a feeling of power or right over someone else? I hate writing questions like this because they seem so useless. i really haven't done a good job trying to think them out in this entry. In fact, i feel rather much like a flower power child high on something (not that i really know what that feels like, but i can only assume). I'm really only writing this entry because i haven't written in a while...

In other news for people who I haven't been in contact with. After next week on April 14th I'll be heading back to Wadi Rum, the town of Disi to study a type of poetical song called "Samir" that the 'bedouin' perform, and which i detailed previously in my discussions of my previous stay. I will be staying with the family of one of the people i stayed with before... so I've heard. Thus far they've refused my offerings of paying, as I will be completely dependent on them for the entirety of two weeks. I'm currently reading Layla Abu-Lughod's "Veiled Sentiments" in what little time I have here. I'm really enjoying the read and recommend it to anyone (it's easy).

Tomorrow is also our last day of classes. We have our final test in Arabic as well as last lecture for our "thematic seminar." Studying for the Arabic test will be interesting because I have been studying independently outside of class ever since we got back from Egypt, but will be held responsible for what was taught in their class. Thank God I like reviewing Arabic grammar.

That's all for now.

First things first: I'm sorry it's taken so long to write. We returned from Egypt just a few days ago (hence the pictures) and i've been trying to recover from the wonderful trip as fast as possible, but it seems my recovery didn't include writing a blog post. Although i feel like i should write about my time in Egypt, i'd rather like to focus this post on something that happened today here in Amman, because i feel like i've ignored subjects on this city for almost my entire time here. As might be expected with my writings, I haven't really thought out my ideas that are about to come, but rather hope to work them out through this entry... so stick with me if you wish. Otherwise you might just skip to the last paragraph (if there is one) and see what I'm saying there to see if it interests you.

So today after class I attended a lecture on "honer crimes" in Jordan, given by a Jordanian journalist Rana Husseini (female). Although i might have missed out on some of the information given in the lecture because i opted to not listen to the translator (the lecture was in Arabic), there were definitely general feelings that i picked up on that i'd like to discuss here. When thinking about the lecture in the taxi back home there were multiple thoughts stumbling through my mind. The first, was my reaction to the general feeling of reform and initiative for reform that i got from the lecture. Rana's stance was interesting, because while she made clear that she saw her only job as kind of "getting the news out there" (perhaps only a small, but nonetheless huge step for the process of ending honor crimes/ any type of crimes in general), she also pinpointed the very aspects of society that she felt needed to be changed... mostly emphasizing development in Education, cultural awareness, government awareness and intiative, and things like this. As soon as i heard this point, i thought back to our lecture with Mustafa Hamarneh, where he spoke about the "passivity" of the people on some level, particularly concerning political initiative and self-help orientation... I then thought back to the students in the group who then made it there job to "find the rebelious voice of Jordan" and find the grassroots organizations/movements of the Jordanian people.... Here in this small theatre, with no sign on front, or indication that it was a theatre, i felt as if i found some of those voices. But at the same time, I couldn't help but notice the socio-economic groupings. I'd say about half of the audience was foreign, listening to the lecture through a headset with English translation, the other half, seemingly arab. Obviously I can never know for sure the economic standings of these Arabs, but they appeared to me to be of the upper-mid class. I thought while in the lecture, about how a crowd of lower class, less educated Jordanians would take Rana's lecture. Aren't those the people that should be hearing her speak? Aren't those the people that we should be in conversation with? What really is the point of having this lecture to an audience that can simply nod their heads in agreement? These of course are questions that i should've been asking those around me, and possibly Rana herself, because i don't know that she hasn't taken lectures to these communities... but it was just a thought. the rebellion of the upper educated class against traditions that they don't associate with in the first place? does that work?

Another topic that i really want to address was the place of "Jordan" in her lecture. Rana made many points throughout her lecture noting that these problems of honor killings aren't a Jordanian problem, but rather a global one. She read letters from Australian children after her works had been published, that claimed how happy they were to have the freedoms they do in juxtoposition to the "poor" Jordanian women. One of the foreigners in the audience also tried to ask a question about how Jordanians (men and women) can really open up a discussion/ dialogue on women's sexuality here and how that might positively affect the picture and agency of Jordanian women against these crimes. Rana never really answered the question, because i fear she didn't really understand it... although at one point in the lecture (i'm not sure if it was actually in response to this question or not) she claimed that the west has a problem with dipping its hand in matters that aren't theirs, making it clear that the problem of these killings is something that Jordanians needed to deal with and handle, and not western organizations. It thus seemed at once that Jordan was an actor in crimes that are world spread, but also specific to itself? So when the foreigner tried to pose the question about "opening up a dialogue" was he simply preposing an outside idea that has no resonance with the community here? Is opening up a dialogue the only solution, or is it a "western" solution, that shouldn't necessarily apply to "arab culture" in Jordan? Perhaps the simple reason Rana didn't follow up with this man's question was because it got lost in translation, but i still can't help but feeling the gap of basic understanding between the two. It's like that feeling i get when hanging out with my few jordanian friends, and they begin singing a song well known by them, one known from childhood, one that everyone joins in as soon as started... and reminds me of some of the basic life happenings and communications that are amiss between us. On one level i feel like i over emphasize such small differences, but at the same time, I feel I can never truly know how big a gap these small morsels of experience make between us. And not to say that such a gap can never be breeched, but rather that i have so many things to learn before i can even really know how big such a gap is.

And just to return to this western/arab world/jordan dichotomy... When Rana spoke of an inspiring group of Arab men in Sweden called Sharaf heros... or Honor heros... she emphasized how surprised and elated she was to hear of a group of Arabs makings such a movement against these crimes. The point i'm trying to make is that she emphasized these crimes as one's that needed to be solved by "arabs."

I guess i'm just getting sick of trying to work out this west/arab binary. Sitting around arguing about if there is a west or an arab, and how we can and can't understand each other, or how we continue these "binaries" by continually talking about them really just bums me out and seems to lead no where. But is my frustration because i'm stuck in the language trap of former political movements, academics, and such, or because there really does exist such a gap that can't be passed, or because i just feel helpless when nothing is getting done regardless of whether there is a difference or not. How can i change my vocabulary and perspective to really see problems as they are and to see a way to solve them? Will i constantly be stuck in a culturally "aware" and overly conscientious zone that keeps me from doing anything as i claim theories of cultural relativism? Should i stay in my own business and deal with problems in my own country... but how does that work seeing as sometimes the differences between myself and those within my own country seem bigger than the with people here? I don't have answers for these questions right now, and i don't know that i should. These are just my thoughts.

best tour guide ever

boats at night

i've only got pictures of egypt at the moment

peter roaming

the pyramids...

pathetic attempt at day 3 and eventual submission to laziness

Day 3:

So it's official that i won't finish all of these days... but luckily Day 3 is what i would consider a normal enough day that within these three days one could get a general sense of my time in Wadi Rum.

So I woke around the same time, for about the same reasons... the rustling of goats and the rising of the sun. The morning functioned in about the same way as the last, except i was able to make myself more useful in washing the glasses that we would drink tea/milk from, putting away the blankets and mattresses that we slept on, and gathering my belongings without being confused. But before i get to that part, i of course made my way out into the open around the corner to go to the bathroom. Only thing different about this trip was that just as i was finishing up i would get to see a new truck fly by just in the distance, coming from where our camp was. Later i would find out that it was actually Um F's husband who stopped by for a short morning visit (she is one of 4 wives, the other 3 of which are Syrian). When i returned things were working as normal though, Um F collected the milk, people were rising, using the bathroom, praying. I sat and drank tea with milk. I eat some bread and olives with Reeadh and Um R. Um R and Um F are urgent this morning to get a move on with the goats as they have already headed out into the valley and weren't making any hint of waiting.

So I headed out with Um R and Um F, but today was different for the boys. Um R and Um F would let me know that the boys were heading off to "duuwam" (work hours) today, and that they wouldn't be back until sunset. We were to have the whole day by ourselves. So we headed out. First interesting work of the day: watching Um R pick up goat poop and apply it copiously to the utters of a mother goat. She would explain that it was so the baby goats wouldn't drink it and that we could in turn milk the goat in the morning and drink it ourselves. Why hadn't i thought of such an ingenious strategy. Since i was caring the water jug at the time, I was blessed with the role of pouring the water on her hands as she used the sand as her soap. She called the sand the "bedouin soap," something that reminded me of my own camping experiences, using sand as dishwasher detergent for dirty plates and such when all else was amiss. She also praised me for knowing how to pour the right amount of water on her hands in cycles as she would scrub at the remaining feces. Although my initial reaction to such a comment in my mind was "what type of idiot wouldn't know how to conserve water while in the desert by intervalling water dispension" [note i realize that those aren't real words...i have my own vocabulary] it also got me thinking about the expectations Um R had of me. Was i simply a western accustomed to washing my hands under bountiful amounts of rushing water (which i am) or perhaps just the ignorant one? Both would be warranted of course, because i hadn't given them any reason to believe that i knew anything about camping, living in a desert, or living with limited supplies. And the more that i got to know Um R and realized the limited expectations/understanding of the world i came from, i don't feel that it was less of an expectation that a westerner wouldn't understand, but simply that someone who hadn't lived in the desert wouldn't understand. To a large extent i don't think Um R really cared what type of life i lived, what i knew of camping, or how my life compared, I was just someone who had apparently come to learn the "bedouin lifestyle" (as she would explain to her guests) and that was what she was going to show me. So please... dispense accordingly.

We marched along the sand, and conversation between the Um's continued as it had before. Jokes, arguments about where to go, gossip. I noticed Um R's habit of picking up a certain weed that grew, collecting as much as possible and then feeding it to the goats... it's amazing how much food you can make out of what seems like barren land. Conversation also started around the "gula3". As soon as we past the first corner the Um's were explaining to me this place that i could vaguely see out in the distance. They named it the "gula3" (which means fortress/castle i believe) and explained out it was a tourist camp. I was at first confused about them naming it the "gula3," assuming that they had some fantastical notion about how the tourists lived there, and that although just a mere camp, they named is a "gula3" because of the extravagance of the camp in general. Only later once we climbed a nearby mountain side and i got a better view of the camp did i realize that it actually was a fortress... Although i never got close enough to make out what was really going on with that structure, it appeared a newly built castle with an essence of roman/crusader influences in the architecture. Something wretched inside me when i saw it, but then again, i knew that the difference between myself and those tourists i would see off in the distance was only miniscule and probably non-existent to the family i was staying with.... plus i knew that the fortress was locally owned, so how could i really complain about someone getting his daily bread? Obviously the topic needs more discussion than this small paragraph does justice, but just as Um R and Um F left it as a source of enjoyment to joke about, I'll leave it there in the distance.

So we walked over to the next closest mountain. At around 9 we made a brief stop, I laid down in the warmth of the sun that just poked through the clouds (it was cold and cloudy that day... which was made clear to me by the quick and lively comments of "Bared!" (cold!) by Um F that would intiate conversation between us). After a bit Um R prayed. I dozed off momentarily. Then we were up again for a bit, exploring the "fura3" of the mountains (the indentation/cliff things...). Soon enough we made another stop for tea. We had carried two things on this trip, a bag and a water jug. In the bag were the supplies necessary for making tea... bowl for washing dishes, 3 glasses, the pot, the tea, the sugar. Made a quick fire and drank. Then as soon as we were done we were up again and moving around the side of the mountain. After a while, it was decidedly time to go back and make lunch. Um R and I were to walk back together on our own and make lunch while Um F stayed with the goats and made her way over later. Only half way through our 20 minute walk back to camp did Um R venture to ask me (as i was carrying the bag of supplies) "do we have the lighter." The answer was no of course, because Um F keeps it in her bra/ miracle carrier of all random objects. We marched on with the hope that there was the second one around camp, but there wasn't. So we gathered all supplies for making lunch (foods/larger pans/the "markub" (base to place things on over the fire), and of course tea supplies) and headed right back. It was another one of those moments that i was amazed at Um R's strength and stubbornness. She always walked with a limp from the pained right knee she had, but never changed due course because of it. Ultimately she could have waited for Um F to return with the goats and make the lunch then, but i guess that just would've been wasted time. When we returned, Um F was yelling at us asking why we had returned and Um R just shouted back that we didn't have a lighter. There was a brief argument about where the other lighter was when we finally got close enough to have a real conversation, but it was settled quickly, and we sat together to make lunch. I believe it was tomatoes, potatoes, and some salsa made in a stew with some oil/garlic/salt and then eaten with bread. hearty and good. We started to make tea afterwards, but then for some reason decided to move... so I carried the pot full of hot tea to the next location, where we poured the tea out, sat and drank quickly before we started off again. At this time we also stopped carrying our supplies and simply left them next to a bush to be picked up on the way home.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with climbing the side of this mountain. A large proportion also concerned Um F chasing after the goats as they headed aimlessly up one particular branch out of site and stubbornly didn't return to the calls of the Um's. While Um F chased, Um R and i explored a second branch. She was picking up an herb called "SheeH" which they would put in tea or eat straight. I don't know what type of herb it was, but it was tasty, especially in tea, and supposed to be healthy. This was the time at which I also got to have a good real look at the "gula3" that i explained earlier. It was also the same time we saw about 40-60 tourists cross the path we had taken heading to the fortress. Um R had a fun time yelling out at them "suuwaHH!" (tourists!) i think just for the fun of it/ also to point them out to Um F. They were too far away to notice. I thought back to the way that my friends and i viewed tourists at home (living on the outer banks of North Carolina and vehemently hating tourists particularly for their poor driving abilities and presumed general ignorance). Um R seemed to be reveling in the situation at the moment.

After finally rallying the goats, the Um's and I started heading back to camp. It was probably around 5 at this time. We went back to pick up our things and then started the march back. The boys hadn't returned by the time we got back, so we sat around a new fire and drank tea. When the boys came, it was just Reeadh and Ghalib, and only they would remain with us for that night. They brought veggies, food, filtered water for me to drink, and other small supplies. We could a dinner of spinach, veggies, potatoes in a stew and then ate them with bread. Afterwards was followed with time of tea, singing, and gossip. Then setting out of the mattresses... i was still between the Um's and the boys were on the other side of the camp fire.

About the other days:

The other days followed in a very similar manner to this one with one major change to the schedule. The um's and i would take out the goats for the very earliest shift, just for an hour or so. Eventually Reeadh and Ghalib would come up in the truck with things to make lunch, upon which Ghalib would take Um R and I to a second location were we would waste a little time and then start making lunch waiting for Um F and Reeadh to bring the goats at lunch time. Waiting for the herders was filled with napping in the sun, tea drinking, picking herbs, climbing rocks, making lunch, praying, etc.
After lunch i would walk again with the Um's and the goats, while the boys went off in the truck to visit family, go to town, set up camp (or move camp as what happened the last day) and then would reconvene at the campsite for dinner. on the fourth day Um R's children (3 of the 5) came to visit from the town. Her oldest daughter Fatima was engaged and brought her fiance with her... who i also think was her cousin. I had conversations with her about marriage, and Um R made her ask me about my facial creams and also the green liquid that i used at night for my teeth (mouth wash)... all of which she would inspect and reiterate that they could be found here in Jordan as well.

There are many other conversations that were worth note during this trip, but it's time for me to move back into writing about my time here in Amman.