woot woot

I just wanted to say, that we are celebrating here in Cairo for the outcome of this new election. Surprisingly, i received more messages from my arab friends about the outcome than i did from people in america... so please know that the arab world is happy too. :-)

pics

just thought it was about time to add the kitchen and the bath?

LIZZMAS

I need to write something. No excuses.

I have been absent these past few (more than a few... sorry) weeks for very good reason I'll have you know. My life has been completely consumed by my job--- teaching 3rd, 4th and 5th graders English as a second language and also teaching them Language Arts. The difficulties I've found in this task can be listed as such:

1) To understand Language Arts, you have to understand the language that the teacher is speaking while teaching it to you (english....some of my kids don't really speak it... at all)

2) None of these grades have previous curriculum made for them... so Zoe now must act as experienced/studied curriculum writer as well as teacher of made-up curriculum. Keep in mind I've never taught anything, English was always my least favorite subject in school, and i've never studied teaching

3) the school is completely disorganized and students still have not received some of their books

4) one grade would be hard enough, 3 is just downright difficult.

The great things about my job/life in general:

1) I make enough money (if they pay me) so to live a comfortable life here (although i have no time to go out and spend it...)

2) the staff is extremely friendly and very understanding

3) the satisfaction of watching a student understand and demonstrate even the simplest concept (ABC order or how to answer a question in a complete sentence) is simply incredible.

4) I have the most amazing roommate, Lizz, who cooks for me and gives the best moral support through home-made cafe-mochas and chai tea. It is coincidentally her birthday today (hence, Lizzmas) and we will be celebrating tonight with a dinner with some of her CASA friends (the language program she is studying in currently).

5) the Job, however difficult it may be, is getting easier... or atleast I'm learning how to manage it in a better way. Although I'm yet to get enough sleep during the week, I'm slowly catching up to the point where I can now work ahead (producing weekly outlines and worksheets before the day before...)

6) I get to relearn all the interesting things about the English language... did you know that there is a rule for when you pronounce c as "ss" and c as "K"... NEITHER DID I! that's way the word facade should always have the cedille thing on it, because in english you don't pronounce c followed by a as an "s"... it should sound like "fakade"... oh my.

7) I'm finally learning how to spell. I now finally know how to spell beginning, syllable, and disappear without second guessing (is that sad... yes it is).


But yes, this is my life right now... learning English in Cairo. Who knew? Hopefully November will bring a new chapter and Lizz and I will finally find some time to get out. I'm hoping to start up Arabic lessons again, because as it stands I rarely am practicing my language, although my listening/understanding of Egyptian Arabic is getting a lot better... i know that my spoken and MSA is disappearing rapidly (note the spelling of disappearing... ha).

As for Cairo itself. Well its finally cooled off. Now the high is in the lower-80's and nights are nice and cool. Yesterday we had a whopping 3 seconds of rain. I wake up with the sun, which is nice. I get to ride a school bus that's overpacked with kindergarden kids that sometimes sit on my lap....othertimes they complain about the fact that I put their backpack in the wrong spot... ultimately they brighten up my day though.

ps. kids are tough. I'm learning how to not take them seriously.

here's a pic of lizz and i.

bout time?

pics from top left and on. my bedroom. the view from my bedroom balcony looking towards lizz's room

second row: lizz's room, and then living room shot

last one: another living room

kitchen coming later i guess



so i guess it's about time. I'm sorry for this delay in everything. I'm gonna post some pics of the apt, so you can have a general idea of what's going on out here. the pad is fundamental, and we're working on decor (as long as it's free... i just got a 2008 calendar from one of Lizz's friends here... it's going on the nature wall with its great images of American landscape).

I'm yet to find a job, but I'm in the process. Tomorrow I have an interview at a school in Muqattam hills, which is not to far away from my area (el-M3aadi). I found this job through a friend I had at Middlebury Language school two summers ago, who might be the key to me getting the job. I'm hoping they will look over the fact that I have no teaching experience and take me for my glowing personality and character ;-)... (i guess i should put on make-up... we'll see... it's so hot here i'm afraid it will be streaming down my face within 5 minutes of putting it on).

About the heat. Lizz and I have decided that this is the last blast that's coming through. we have a couple days in a row that should be about 37C, which is about 99F, and then it should cool down to lower 90's. I'm finding that on these hot days, i truly only sleep when it cools off, and my alarm clock is the heat. There was one cool day not too long ago where lizz and i both were astonished at the fact that we had awoken on our own, and not from the blanket of sweat on our faces.

Some things in the house still need some work, but it's coming along... showerhead, overhead light in my room and the hall, ac fixed in my room (i'll still be too proud to use it... particularly because i have a feeling that once it finally gets fixed it might be mid-january...), and then the TV and possibly telephone line.

I'm still working on trying to figure out how to get stuff here... (for my ballot... most important thing of all, of course... although gifts are always more than welcome :-))

I'm finding here that i'm surrounded by women who like to cook... or atleast know how to, so i'm excited to see what they can teach me. Thus far, i think i've picked up lentil soup and chai tea ala my lovely roommate.

anyways, here are the pics. more commentary on Cairo in the next post...hopefully when i have a job and i'm interacting with more egyptians...

love-zoe

egypt!

So man, Egypt has been a crazy wind of events from leaving the house to getting to my apartment in Cairo, to cleaning the apartment and getting general appliances to work, to volunteering, and beginning to fast.

I'll sum up traveling here briefly: airlines trying to putting obstacles in my way (saying that I hadn't paid for my ticket, sitting on a runway for two hours in Philly on my cross-atlantic flight to frankfurt, and missing my connecting flight... getting a later flight and having my roommate go to the wrong airport because my airline got changed on my rebooked flight to egypt. nonetheless, i arrived in one piece and was happy to welcome the Middle East (or Egypt) back into my life.

Day after I arrived. Cleaning our apt from bottom to top... a lot of that to do. Also getting to use the metro (extremely easy and about 20 cent payment for a one-way ride). Having dinner with Lizz's former roommates downtown in Cairo (down the metro) and enjoying one of their new ac'd apt.

(I'm sending pics from our apt once the bathroom no longer has a lake in it (the toilet and washing machine leak water... we're getting that fixed).

Today: so much happened today, and I feel bad trying to stuff it into a short story, but i'm simply exhausted. Today was the first day i started fasting (my first day of Ramadan essentially) and it was appropriately matched with some volunteering that Lizz and I took off on as soon as we woke up at 9am. Essentially, we took part in packing and distributing food to orphans in a nearby village (just south of Cairo). In all it ended up involving more sitting around rather than doing for Lizz and I, but we were surrounding by some amazingly fun and interesting Egyptian girls. Lizz and I made many fun acquaintances and both learned a lot. I myself picked up some helpful hints about work/ finding places and things that I'm interesting going to/doing --> i.e a club where I can join a women's soccer team, and the egyptian equivalent of a phonebook = dial 140 on your phone.

We also did have the pleasure of the work. The work was run out of (what I came to understand is) a Muslim Charity Organization called Risala (means "message" in Arabic). I'm hoping to see if we'll have more opportunities to work with them again because they all seemed like wonderful people.

Anyways... we didn't end up making it back until Iftar (the time/meal for breaking fast, which here is at about 6:15 pm). We were invited to some of Lizz's friends for Iftar and I got to meet some more amazingly interesting characters that I really hope to see again. I also picked up some more info about working as a teacher in Cairo, and have full trust now that getting a job will not be a problem... Now I'm just going to have to see how I can balance work with all of the other things I'm interested in doing, and seeing what I will end up prioritizing.

Anyways, all is well. I would love to write more, but it's now midnight and I still haven't gotten a full nights sleep (and still have some work in the apt that I'd like to do.

One note of comfort about the apt. Lizz and I sleep in the living room together under our fan with the door to our veranda open and a nice breeze coming through. It's nice to have good company for sleeping:-)

love!

the zoe mash

This is a quick post:

I successfully made a meal that Abu Ali liked (alhamdulillah). Quite basic actually, rice, potatoes, tomatoes, onions, and spices all mixed together into what i've now named the 'Zoe-Mash'... it's my specialty. The first three times a tried to cook it i failed in some aspect or another (the potatoes not being cooked enough, burning the bottom of the rice, and then the rice not being cooked enough) but I have now learned the tricks of how much water to add, what heat to put it at, and how much time to give the potatoes. Big step for Zoe into the cooking world that she barely new before. Now i'm just gonna have to work on adding meats to the agenda and then different types of veggies and pasta types. it's an exciting adventure.

here's a reminder of what wadi rum looks like (this picture is actually from a year ago)

Pardon the delay:

The past week has been a but hectic with having confusion over out of classroom assignments mixed with a overnight trip down to the south of Jordan (the Desert of Wadi Rum--- where, if you have read previously, spent a month living with two families last year). The trip in itself was extremely packed... not of events necessarily but of a lot of things. i'm still trying to figure out a way to pack it all in, but i'm not even sure it's packed into my head. So i'm going to save discussion of that trip for personal conversation, which is deserves.

As for life here in Amman right now. Classes have been going pretty well. Actually, the most rewarding aspect of the program has now become the tutors, and one particular tutor that all of the students love. Truthfully, all of the tutors are great and have their own quarks to offer. I am in need to find another outlet for speaking, but that's up to me... so we'll see what I do. I think with all the confusion settling over these "out of class excursions" I may find a way to get out on my own time.

The weather here is getting hotter. But there always seems to be some type of breeze (shout out to whatever force makes it...).

Food. I've been pretty bad, basically just snacking on things (not snack food though... no worries) mostly yogurt, cereal, cucumbers, fruits (apricots, apples), and canned tuna (spicy! that is). Today was the first day that I semi-cooked. i fried some potatoes and onions and made some pasta, and made a little cucumber salad. It was after a brief but fulfilling (and needed) yoga/stretch/jump around session. I'm finding that i'm using the hills as my exercise these days and then doing push-ups, yoga, basic room fitness on the regular. despite not running I feel quite healthy, so i'm happy.


Things that might be more interesting:

going down to Wadi Rum this weekend was a nice reminder of how much i have to learn. The bedouin accent that my family speaks in is extremely heavy, and I had forgotten how hard it had been for me to speak with them (even after living with them previously). Respectively, I had forgotten how frustrating it is to feel like a mute/deaf/dumb. I mean, I can understand and communicate for the most part. Having Ahmad (my connection to the family... he was my 'helper' when i was doing my research) around is always helpful because he understands my arabic accent and can translate into it... ie. he knows what i understand and what will be too hard for me. Take for instance though, the moment when i was sitting alone with his sister and she brought up the ever recurring topic of Islam, and why i should convert (whole different story)... this topic is so important to her, and i can see how excited she gets when she speaks to me about it. I guess the moment i'm trying to focus on is the moment when you can tell she's come just upon a really good point and she asks a question to see if i understand, and i can only say that I didn't catch it. and ever when she repeats it, I only catch a general idea... perhaps mostly now because i'm thinking about how bad i feel for not being able to understand, and how frustrating that is, that I actually end up not listening to her at all... so that even if i could get what she was saying, i'm now not even listening... and then to see the look on her face when i say again that i didn't get it... or when i nod as if i did, but she knows i didn't fully understand. that disappointment is heavy. and then what do you do? sit in silence. watch the two toddler boys play with the toys that i just got them... see their mom get frustrated with them as they start to fight over the toys. I know that their mother asked if the toys were from america probably to double check and make sure they weren't Haram (forbidden in Islam). Luckily i had gotten them in Jordan (which doesn't go for the bracelets that I got them).

Anyways, as you can see, i'm getting into the topic that i said i would stay away from. I could go on for a long time about this, but I really wouldn't do justice to either my own feelings, or theirs.... so i'll stop.


something else:

I'm feeling as if i'm beginning to find my fingers in part of arabic. I'm particularly enjoying poetry. The greatest thing about arabic poetry is that it's unending and has such a great history. Memorizing poetry is like the base of all arabic. People refer to certain poets as the source for studies of what is "proper arabic" (modern standard arabic i'm referring to) I'm enjoying memorizing some lines myself.

really, what's so great about poetry, is talking about it with people. From my tutors at ACOR, to one of the workers here at the hotel (egyptian), to one of Ahmad's friends down in Wadi Rum (bedouin), knowing poetry and also having written a poem in Arabic (which i can luckily recite off hand) has allowed me to have the most rewarding, engaging, and quite literally linguistically/musically beautiful conversations i feel like i've ever had. My recent 'revelation' was that i could spend the rest of my life just memorizing poetry and discussing it with people (and perhaps writing myself). of course, it's not just the poetry, it's really the interaction that comes with it that i'm interested in.

Truthfully, my favorite moment from the trip down to Wadi Rum this past weekend was when I got Ahmad's friend to go into multiple renditions of his favorite songs, poems, and lines of Samir (type of song.... see my research stuff below). At first we had been separated by the fact that I was not understanding his quick/heavy accent. Then I started reciting lines that I knew, and also recited a few lines from a poem that my tutor had just taught me. Instantaneously he was asking me... do you know this one?! and this Poet?! and this poem?! it goes like this.... And even though he would still stick to his thick gutteral accent, reciting poetry would force him to be speaking slower and more methodically to follow the melody, and it would depend mostly on FusHa (standard arabic) that I understand... although the bedouin dialect is also nearly completely FusHa, and most of the poetry he recited would use the Bedouin uses of FusHa words, having a general background in the dialect would give me access to the FusHa they were using. Poetry in itself is nearly impossible for me to understand off hand, unless it was extremely simple. The reason is mostly just the rhythm.

anyways, as we were bumping along in the desert trying to make our way out to the camp fire where Ahmad's uncles were having tea and entertaining some guests from Saudi, i couldn't help but grin so wide as the words ran over me.


One last thing about the desert... tea made over camp fire is simply unbeatable. as is the view of the stars, and the milky way....


ok that's it.

So just the other day i started teaching Abu Ali how to write/read. We haven't really gotten past writing the names of his daughters, son, and wife who live in Egypt and who he hasn't seen in 15 months. In exchange he's teaching me Egyptian dialect as well as cooking... although we're yet to make the big leap into the kitchen.

We joke with each other that he's my father (he's 57) and so I respond to all of his questions and commands with "Hadhir ya baba" (yes, right away, father) and he makes sure that i finish my studies.

looking up the street


















ACOR




the view from looking down ACOR


this is my room

more pics

the basics... nes cafe and tumr (dates)













this is the view from my window looking up the street at night.


the picture from the last post was from me looking down the road from my window at night.

um. yes. CUTE. and if you could see the box it has written on it "everything hosits seed" --> everything has its seeds... amazing. also on the shirt of the cartoon it says "rafai streat"... we can only guess.

two stories

I do have quite a few stories to tell, but i'll just glaze over some of my favorites right now to help you think about what things have become most important to me in my days here.

First story:
Being American. My friend Emma and I finally made a good excursion out of the University area of the town just two days ago. Emma works as a freelance photographer sometimes for newspapers and such and she wanted to get some pictures from the area.

Down town is a bustling place. Little shops and markets over packed with souvenirs, shawls, clothes, shoes, prayer beads, you name it. Men stand outside in groups, sit in their shops smoking, heckle and call, and always make the scene a bit of an adventure for Emma and I (two blondies). So we decided to climb instead. Amman is sprawled out over many (originally 7) mountains/hills, and the roads never cease to climb, dip, curved, and twirl. Emma and I found a stare case we liked and climbed. We were met with even more eyes of confusion, curiosity, and interest, calls of 'hello! welcome in jordan!" and random phrases in other languages besides arabic. The best reception we got though was from the children. Seeing Emma's camera two boys first stopped us shouting out "yella sowwarini" (take a picture of me!). After a series of many pictures, and repeated calls for more, we got to take a look into one of their father's shops and introduce ourselves briefly. Arabic has become a like a jewel these days, like a back stage pass to the best concert ever, and has allowed me to feel more welcome than ever before. It makes me happy when i feel as if my arabic makes up for the fact that i'm american, and can sometimes stand for one of the most hated places right now.

but that's only sometimes. Later on after walking we ran into two little girls who yelled out to us just the opposite of the boys "la tasowwarini" (don't take my picture). we stopped and talked to them either way, making quick friends. Alaaf and Raghad were they're names. Alaaf jordanian and Raghad palestinian (Nablusi). After a while a plethora of young boys were surrounding us, asking where we were from. One boy, was sure that we were either syrian or lebanese, (i had put on a stronger syrian accent for these girls because they were so cute... i couldn't help but elongate my questions in the most musical crescendo possible...3arafti shlloooown?). For a while i played with the idea of taking on a syrian nationality, but couldn't bring myself to lie. Only after telling him that i was american, did i regret it though. I saw a bit of estrangement and disappointment that's never fun to see in both his eyes and the eyes of Raghad. Of course, I'm just assuming that they've heard horrible things about america and americans, and couldn't put the two and two together that i might possibly speak their language but be from america. Nonetheless we remained talking for a bit until emma and i decided to head off (or rather when Alaaf emphatically called out, "yella" to us as a signal to go because she was bored with us and wanted to eat her chips).

It's sometimes a tough reminder to face, but i can only hope that these kids were more impressed rather than confused. who knows

Story 2:
Learning to Give

So over this past week I've spent most of my time either in the hotel where we stay or in the library just around the corner that is hosting our program. To be more accurate, I've tried as much as I can to be in the Lobby of our hotel, particularly because I've become so fond of the receptionists that work here. of the three working here now, two are brothers Lu'ay and Bilal, that I've gotten to know the most. In the beginning I started speaking to Lu'ay because i knew he didn't speak English, and with my lack of resources to keep speaking, he was always more than happy to sit and chat when he was free. Bilal speaks more English because he's younger and in University, but is also just as happy to speak and help me out whenever i'm around.

Of the two Lu'ay makes the most effort to speak with us all and find out our stories, as I was interested to hear his. He's 35, married to his cousin, has two children (two boys Muhammad and Ahmad) and originally from Yaffa (tel abib) although he was born and raised in Jordan. He's never been able to go to Palestine.

Quite frankly my lobby chats with Lu'ay have become the highlight of my time thus far, and we quickly became good friends. As soon as this happened I immediately began to think of the way that I could share my thanks for his help, and returned of course to trying to think of a small gift to give him that would show such. I only really brought gifts for women with me though and didn't have any time to go down and get something from the store when i first thought of it.

But of course. He beat me to it. Just yesterday Lu'ay came to work and brought me a gift; A mug with a cute cartoon character on it, and of course was packaged in a pink box with flowers all over it. He said that he had seen the mug and thought of me because it has "baby face" like me (his own words exactly... amazing) and also so that I can have my own cup when we drink tea together... which has become a daily routien. Here stuff that is tackily cute, is considered the best gift. Had i not received gifts like this before in my time in the middle east, i would have most likely laughed at the cup more than i would have enjoyed it (i'll post a picture later...it's pretty amazing). But instead I was so moved. I'm constantly amazed at the way people share here, sometimes giving gifts from right off their body (bracelets, necklaces, rings) just to give and be remembered by. I can't wait to find something to give in return for he, his children, and wife.

(note: the sad end to this story is that when i went to finally have tea with him using the cup, the cup cracked... and he noticed. I pretended not to care, but i could tell he was upset... we'll see what happens).

So that's it for now. I'll update with less fun things soon to fill in the gaps. but these are the moments i cherish.

bored

We just finished our first two days of classes here at the Qasid institute. Having only two hours of class from 8-10 makes it seems like we don't have class at all sometimes since we are done so early in the morning and have the rest of the day free. They haven't made us do any 'external activities' yet either, so I really haven't had too many opportunities to get into town and see things.

Two nights ago I did get a chance to go out to a very western/upper class cafe two watch the turkey/croatia game on big screen, but it was a place i knew well before and it was kind of weird to be around Jordanians who were so english-ized that they were speaking english to each other... not just to foreigners. It kind of through me off at first... but I guess it makes since. I did get to see a nice souq (market) that night which was down the street in Jabal Amman. They have concerts there every friday night along with the souq.

I also got to learn some fun facts about the Chechnian (sp?) community in Amman... apparently it's not that small. We saw a group of Chechyan guys doing some time of dance in the street. The jordanian friend of my friend Emma here was explaining to us that they come and take certain jobs in the police force, which i thought was weird because I had believed those jobs were reserved mostly for Jordanians, but either way, who knows.

I'm having trouble thinking of things I want to put down. my mind is on something real specific right now that i can't really work out, so maybe i'll write again later. but that's all i can really offer for now. maybe i'll put some pic's up tomorrow.

phone number

here's my phone number.

country code. 963

number for out of jordan calls= 796314701

in country... just put a 0 before the in country number.


ok later

Mostly for mom and dad

This post is mostly for my parents... as it informs you of all the small basic details that parents worry about. There are some observations at the bottom that you might find interesting, but really nothing special... just day to day stuff. More interesting stuff will hopefully be coming soon once I get a phone and feel more comfortable going off on my own.

in the mean time, enjoy. and forgive the grammar mistakes. I'm not reading it over. you can't make me.

June 19th 10:30-

Wow. the past 18 hours or so have been pretty interesting. I still haven't gotten more than three consecutive hours of sleep since the monday night. This morning we had yet another orientation at ACOR (American Center for Oriental Research) which is coordinating our program (although we are studying at an Institute named Qasid which is just a 5-8 minute taxi ride down the road... thank goodness because it only takes a 1 Dinar ride to get there). After our first part of orientation we had a great lunch provided by ACOR. it was delicious.

After lunch some people from the embassy came over and talked to us about jordan. mostly things I hadn't heard before. Except for the new fun fact that you can now actually get second temporary visas SPECIFICALLY for traveling to Israel (as in, the government gives them out just for the people who need to travel to both Israel and states like Syria that don't let you in with an Israeli stamp). That's definitely cool, and I definitely think I'm going to do that. Only $70. We'll see when my plans start to fall into place.

Ok, so after that we went to Qasid and had our placement exams. No big sweat, although for some reason I was extremely nervous. That subsided as soon as everything was underway though. I am a bit frustrated with how slow my writing has gotten, since I haven't been practicing for almost a year now, but I'm sure it will come back quickly.

After the test is was already pretty late (probably around 8) so me and a couple other girls and the group went over to the mall right next door to get some basic food supplies. (Ketan, it was Mukhtar Mall... and they were selling Malto....I almost grabbed 10 and ran). They gave us half of our stipend this morning, most of which I'm keeping in the safe at ACOR right now until I'm in need of it.

Now I'm back at the apartment. I got to finally take my first shower tonight since leaving... our apartment is really nice. There are 6 girls living in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathe, kitchen, and living room space. This is definitely a step up from most places I've ever stayed in the Middle East, with the exception of my home stay here in Jordan previously... but that was just ridiculous.

We have wireless internet downstairs in the lobby. Our laundry will be done for us at a price of $5 a load up to as much as every week. Haven't checked out the sports options yet, given that I haven't had any time, but supposedly Qasid is very close to the sports park in Amman, where even running outside might be allowed (amazing!).

I'm not gonna be able to get a phone card for a while though because our passports have been in the hands of various people and will continue to be for the next few days as we set up all of our arrangements in town. You need your passport to buy a card, so most likely it could be a few days.

Meanwhile, tomorrow we have a 9 oclock tour of Amman, and then our first free afternoon. I hope to rest up, perhaps do a bit more shopping for things needed in the apartment, and then get to talking with as many people as possible.

Today was a great day.

As far as we know our arabic program is going to be a bit odd. We actually only have 2 hours of class each day. Then we have to go on 'excursions" two of which we have to write a report on within a week. We then have nothing else mandatory. It's actually quite absurd. Hopefully I'll be able to set up appointments with tutors 3-4 times a week, because otherwise I know I will quickly become frustrated with the pace of the course. I am excited about the teachers at Qasid though, as well as the size of our classes. We will only be having about 6 kids per class, and after this placement exam I'm nearly certain that I'll be with people that are at my level and higher. Most of all I'm excited to learn with others.... it's been a very long time since I felt like I was sharing a learning process in Arabic, so I can't wait to feed off of that energy. Already a lot of us have been speaking in Arabic with each other at about 50%, and I'm sure this will only increase as we become more comfortable with each other and have more things to share and work on.




Observations from today:

1) the smell is still coming to me. I'll get passes of it when a dusty breeze comes through the window, or when I step outside, or even in the odd smells of the bathrooms and the water. Today it was much more pleasant, in fact it was almost soothing. For some reason though it's reminding me more of Damascus now, than it is of Amman. Perhaps it's the summer that's really affecting it, since I first went to Damascus while it was in similar heat.

2) The dust. every now and then i close my mouth and i can feel the grit soaked into my tongue and lips. It's so fine that you almost can't tell, but it's a nice reminder that I'm in desert country.

3) The heat. We are lucky enough to have an airconditioned apartment in addition to all of our classes and buildings being in air conditioning. There have been moments when rooms were getting a bit too hot today though, which was a bit rough on top of jet lag, but overall I don't think it's that much worse than home. We'll see how the rest of the summer pans out.

4)Azzan. the called to prayer is beautiful in Amman, echoing off of the mountains and penetrating your spirit.

First feelings:

It hit me harder than I had expected. The moon. Outside the window as we were landing in Amman was the brightest white I had ever seen. I thought a helicopter spotlight was shining in my eye.

The smell. I stepped off the plane and took a whiff of something that I haven't smelled, felt, remembered, forgotten, licked, coughed, picked, had soaked into me for just over a year now. I'm now in my hotel where I'll be staying for my two month journey through the governments idea of intensive arabic study. I'll have more to write about that on once we have orientation in a few hours.

I could write about our 30+ journey to get here, the amazing people that are with me on this program, the niceness of the apartments where we are staying, but i my mind is stuck on that smell. I had never felt that feeling before. It was like all of the emotions, the horrors, the memories, details that I had purposefully put aside for the last year came running into me like a mac truck. It was shining in my eyes like an interrogation light (the helicopter...moon), it was seeping into my blood through the oxygen I breathed, and is now soaking into my mind. There is so much that I have put aside in this past year in order to cope with some of my time here in Jordan and in Syria. I knew that I would have to face it when I got here, but I didn't know it was be as invasive that this surgery feels.

Now without being to allusive or lyrical about my experience, let me just make clear that now, only 3 hours after arriving in Jordan, my feelings are intense. That's the only way I can put them. I'm already feeling the frustrations that being a woman come with in terms of access to certain communities and places-- which for me seem as the perfect opportunity to really use my arabic. I have the fears of running into certain people. I am also extremely excited to see others though. I'm excited to have those moments when I'm surprised by the genuine spirit of someone I misjudged. Like today on the plane, when I had one of my first 'exchange' of languages where I felt as if we were both learning the same amount from each other (me from his arabic, and he from my english). I'm so happy about learning from those around me. I'm excited to rediscover this city. I'm so excited to find myself in this city, to remember myself in this city, and the be myself in this city. I'm excited to have absolutely no time on my hands. I'm stoked to march up and down the hill outside our apartments when I don't have a place to run, or don't have time to go to a gym (one of the steepest hills I've ever seen). I'm scared that I'll get too wrapped up at moments, But I'm thrilled to find myself in those moments, realize it, and get myself out of them.

Most of all. I'm speaking Arabic. and i love it. I have boundless opportunities in front of me to not only learn a language, but to challenge myself in doing it, to overcome my personal fears that hinder me when in the highest need to learn. Who could ask for anything more?